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In times like the present,
[people] should utter nothing for which they would not
willingly be responsible through time and in eternity.

—Abraham Lincoln

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When Being Right Isn’t the Same as Being Righteous

I used to pride myself on being able to win most arguments. When I was in third grade, I got into a yo mama battle with the meanest girl in school. Her name was Brittany, and she was known for picking fights with anyone and everyone.

Someone had to put this bully in her place, so I stepped up and roasted her. She was in tears. It felt so good . . . for a few minutes.

Then I felt like a fool.

What the Bible Says About Strife and Conflict

Proverbs 20:3 reads, “It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling.”

This Hebrew word for strife doesn’t describe healthy disagreement. Rather, what sits within this word is the idea of contempt, that posture of disdain toward the person on the other side of the table.

Strife is what happens when the disagreement becomes a license for dishonor. It’s the result of reducing people to something we can belittle and beat.

The truth is strife narrows our sight. And one of the hallmark attributes of the fool is someone who refuses to acknowledge a world beyond what he can now see.

Scripture never suggests we outdo each other in anger or strife. But Romans 12 does tell us to “outdo one another in showing honor.” 

We live in a culture, though, that’s built an entire economy on strife. Outrage gets clicks. Contempt gets shares. We aren’t just failing to stay aloof from strife, we’re stirring it on purpose, monetizing it, because in the short-term a quarrel travels further than the truth.

But we don’t have to play by those rules. We can speak truth—we should speak truth—without the pettiness of strife. Conviction and contempt are not the same thing, and we don’t have to choose between honesty and honor.

Respond

That third-grade bully didn’t become a better person after I made her feel small. She became meaner to everyone. A few days later, I went to her and apologized for what I had done. It shocked her, and it certainly seemed like something in her changed that day. At least she was a lot kinder to me.

This week, before you respond to what’s happening out there, before you fire back, before you weigh in . . . just take a couple of minutes to pause and ask, “Am I entering the foolish domain of strife? Am I adding noise and confusion to the quarrel?”

Closing Prayer

Father,
Forgive me for the times I’ve mistaken
being right for being righteous.
Where anger has narrowed my sight,
restore what’s real, what’s true.
Teach me to outdo others in honor.
Give me courage and wisdom
to speak truth without contempt,
conviction without cruelty.
Keep me aloof from strife,
and near to You.
In Jesus’s name, Amen.

Praying with you,

Addison Bevere

P.S. Speaking of words, if you’re new to these prayer guides and don’t have the Words with God book and/or 40-day Prayer Journal, those are great resources for living prayerfully in this wild world. You can get them on Amazon, the Messenger Store, or wherever books are sold.